Success Archives - Choicepoint

The Best Story You’ll Ever Tell Yourself to Keep You Motivated

Imagine saying this to yourself when you get up tomorrow morning.

(Your name), as a life-long customer of you, I’ve seen many things happening with this establishment. When you started in the early days and opened your doors for the first time, I wasn’t sure whether or not things would turn out for the best. I mean, a lot of help was needed, almost 24 hours a day and it took a long time before some of the tasks were manageable by you. But, and I have to admit, you’re a quick learner and you adapt to new situations rapidly.

Years flew by and I’ve seen the trends come and go, but you’ve managed to maintain stability in your growth year in and year out, and that is truly remarkable. There aren’t many companies that can say that in these challenging times we’re living in currently.

I know that new times ask for new approaches – changes in management and sometimes that means cutting down on the storage facility and trimming down on the things that are of only excess baggage to keep the customers happy – because the customer still is King.

I know it’s not easy to say goodbye to those who’ve been there for years and who’ve supported you in times of need; we all know.

Still, are they serving you still, or are they costing you more than you’d like to afford?

I know you are the head, the Big Chief in Charge of Maintenance, Change and Progress, and that it’s your decision. And up till now, you’ve done a heck of a job to keep this establishment going strong.

Like I said, times are changing, just like the Bob Dylan song, and that means that we have to keep changing, too, to keep up and keep ahead. If there’s anything that I can tell you from this side of the mirror, it’s this: keep that what is making you win and tweak to improve it into excellence – and lose that what’s losing anymore or what’s already lost.

You’ve come this far. Keep going. You’re not ‘there’ yet. Keep your vision, hold your focus, fulfill your mission. You’re a winner. I know you can do it, and trust me, when I’m saying something like this, believe you-me that I mean what I’m saying. You’re holding the gold.

You’re not the Apple; you’re the Apple tree. You’re not the Facebook; you’re the embodiment of life’s library. You’re not even the Google; you’re the Googolplex. There’s infinity to the infinitieth potential in you that if you truly decide to go for it all, there’s not a single atom in my system that will doubt that. You can do it. And you know what? I’ll remain you’re loyal, trusting and faithful customer if you will keep delivering me what I need and want.

Now go out and get it.”

I bet that that’ would have a much different result than when you wake up, get dressed, see yourself in the mirror and say ‘Okay, it’s Wednesday – week’s almost over.”

When the mind talks, the body listens. So say something that empowers your every fiber of your being.

So here’s today’s question to you: How do you motivate yourself for your best day when you look in the mirror?

Leave your comment below, and I’ll be sure to follow up on it.

Now go out and get it.

To your succes,

Robert

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Why Personal Development Matters In Business

Have you ever wondered why people go to their work? In the first place, you’d think it is because they need the paycheck to make a living. Though this is true, most people aren’t propelled by money to do the work they do. It’s something you can’t buy with money.

Research show that it doesn’t matter as such how much you pay a person to do their job. There is a threshold where the quality of the work will not increase, no matter how much more you pay them. From this, you could conclude that money is not the #1 driving force behind someone’s work. After all, if they aren’t intrigued by a bigger paycheck to do more work, why would you pay them more?

The key to having satisfied employees who not only do their work in the best way they can, but keep them motivated to do their best, is personal development – the ability to grow and develop oneself within the organization and the possibilities is holds for them.

Where money seizes to be effective in motivating your employees to go the extra mile, it is giving the opportunity to let them develop themselves on a personal and professional basis that will pull your co-workers forward.

So what does personal development means within ia business context?

Think about the different qualities you have as a professional, that you can also use in your personal life. Enhanced communication skills, increasing self-confidence, the ability to inspire you and others, overcoming fear, uncertainty and other obstacles, team building. All of these are aspects of personal development, that you can offer to your employees to get more out of them.

The secret to having and keeping a high level of job satisfaction is to find the balance between what you are capable of doing very well, stretching your “comfort-zone” by expanding your knowledge and skillset, and having the intrinsic or inner motivation to do it.

For most people, more money – an external or extrinsic motivator – is not the best reason to do something when the going gets tough. It is the passion, calling or even the feeling of having a purpose that pushes them to do what is necessary.

It is the intrinsic motivation that keeps people like police officers, fire fighters, rescue workers and soldiers go back into the toughest of situations each and every time – for sure it is not their paycheck that is on their mind when they run into a burning building or risk getting shot in the line of fire.

Take a look at how much possibilities your organization has to empower their employees to grow with the company. After all, it’s your employees that are your most valuable assets. Better make sure your assets keep being your assets.

So here’s today’s question to you. What elements of personal development do you use or require in your work, and how does (the lack of) it impact your company?

Leave your comment down below, and I’ll be sure to get back at you.

To your success,

Robert

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Are Your Prepared?

You can sit and wait, hope and dream until you get struck by a tidal wave of opportunities – if you’re lucky.

Or you can put on your bathing suit, grab your surfboard and start practicing for that one big wave that might come one day.

Having a plan, a system to get closer to get the maximum out of the opportunities that manifest themselves ahead of you strengthens your ability to go beyond your present reality and create the one you have been dreaming of.

Don’t just sit and wait for opportunities to come. Instead, take action. Start today. Do something new. Take one step and see where that leads you. And then, take the next. And the next. And the next.

You deserve it. Be awesome.

Why the Road to Passion Is Painful Yet Beautiful

The day before my flight to South-Africa, I hold a seminar in which I talk about how to find your passion and how to reach the goals you’ve set for yourself. Many of the participants are wondering if they’re on the right track with their life, what their current lifestyle can do more for them, and if they’ll ever be able to find their passion at all.

My flight, the following day, runs smoothly, and I’m excited and relaxed at the same time. Flying to unknown territory feels as part of my comfortzone, thanks to my adventure in Orlando, Florida, a couple of months earlier. I can allow myself to feel at ease while I’m bridging the eleven hour gap from Amsterdam to Johannesburg. Upon arrival, the unknown and therefore the positive tension surfaces.

I spend the first couple of days with two co-travelers: we discover the historical and cultural parts of the country, by visiting the Apartheids museum, Nelson Mandela’s house (which has been transformed into a museum), and the highest building of the continent; the Top of Africa. Even a safari, in which we’re seeking to find elephants, giraffes, lions, hippos and many more exotic animals is part of our African adventure. Between my companions and me, a warm connection is growing and I feel empowered by these wonderful experiences.

The main reason why I’m here, is a big conference, where entrepreneurs can network on an international level, acquire new businesses and contacts, and where national as well as international speakers, among which Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple, will share their knowledge, experience and insights on doing business.

On the third and final day, just after I fled the congress with the most beautiful, caring and amazing lady ever to get some air and grab a bite to recharge my sleep deprived physical and mental battery, I quietly tip-toe my way back to the first row of the packed (well over a thousand people) conference hall to take my seat.

My business-partner and good friend immediately grabs me by the wrist and whispers in my ear: “You have to get on stage and pitch your company!” The relaxed feeling of the wonderful lunch with the beautiful lady changes in a blink of an eye to sudden stress and panic.

Due to this paralyzing feeling, along with the sudden necessity to make a choice whether or not to go on stage, I almost loose control; immediately I switch to my rational side to regain control over the situation. I can feel my heart pounding in my throat as I slowly make my way to the stage.

Spotlights shine their bright light on me, and at the same time I bring the microphone to my mouth to speak, I can’t remember a word I want to say; I have a blackout. Seconds pass, and they feel like an eternity. Finally, I force myself to say something; anything!

Logic takes over and while the tension is racing through my veins, I’m happy I remember a few words I want to say, and I start to tell some boring story about what it is my company does. Even though the stress slowly pours out of my system, it takes a while before I can truly speak from the heart and find the balance between logic and passion.

Still, after descendingI the stage, I feel as if I’ve failed; no introduction, didn’t mention my name and even my company name I forgot to state. I didn’t say what I wanted to say. I feel guilty forwards myself, mostly because I know I could have done better. Despite positive feedback form others afterward on my authenticity; I put the emphasis on the few who criticize me for my lack of structure in my pitch. I literally feel the pain within me, and there’s nothing I can do about it but to blame myself.

It’s ironic; weeks before my flight to Orlando, Florida, I practiced for at least ten minutes a day a short speech, in case I’d get the stage for a few minutes. Now, about six months later, I finally get that stage, and I’m completely unprepared for this opportunity.

It’s only on the day I fly back home to the Netherlands, and take a closer look at my experiences in South-Africa, that I feel, whilst flipping through the photo’s, I’ve taken a step forward in the direction of my passion.

The realization that, during those few days, I was doing more that I have been doing so far, enable me to get back in touch with that feeling of power and belief in myself; the reason why I do what I do. The drive that will get me where I want to be. It’s both my dream and vision to inspire, motivate and help others grow on an international level .

Despite being active in the area of personal development for years, and overcoming many obstacles to be at the level of success I am now, I realize that there still is anentier path before me to pursue.

And though I’m taking steps forward, sometimes opportunities seem to present themselves as obstacles. Moments in which stress grabs you by the throat, because, during the discovery of that unfamiliar path, you feel you’re unprepared in what to expect more. It feels like you’re failing, while in fact it’s a beautiful experience and solely a temporary outcome. It provides the insights that so-called mistakes are nothing more than knowledge and information, and that you have the freedom to alter your course and keep going in the direction you’re aiming at.

Whether we know what our passion is or we’re still at the starting point of discovering it – its’ the steps we take into the unknown, it’s the signals we receive that show us the way and from which we can tap into our power. This feeling comes from the heart, and it’s the key we have to turn, to open up our heart and truly feel what we want in our life, to find that passion.

It’s almost a guarantee: when you’re looking for your passion, your path, you’ll encounter obstacles along the way to your potential and your purpose. But, it’s that beautiful feeling of fulfillment to live the life we envision.

Discover your passion, take the time to start and proceed on your path of discovery. I promise you it’s worth it; that fulfillment will change you into the person you need to be, to do what you really want to do.

Like and share this post with friends, family and colleagues if you think t it will help them in the discovery and revelation of their passion and fulfillment.

To your success,

Robert

Nothing is Impossible

A while a go i was just looking around in my living room, and my eye caught focus on a laminated flyer a friend gave to me some time ago. The flyer shows a beautiful picture of a flying person, underlined with the text ‘Nothing is Impossible’. And then I sarted to think: is that true?

If you look at it from a mathematical perspective, you could state that: Nothing = Impossible. So that means that ‘Nothing’ would be equal to ‘Impossible’, and this is where my mind was getting really interested.

With this statement in mind, it was my brain that took of and went going, looking for answers that would either agree or contradict this statement.

The first question, even before I could answer the main question was ‘Is it possible that Nothing really exists? Though there is a word we use, I honestly cannot imagine that there is such a thing as nothing. Even the space beyond our planet doen’st exist of nothing – though it might seem that way. Millions of small and tiny particles, such as hydrogen, and even electromagnetic radiation. This proves that there’s no nothingness in outer space.

I don’t think ‘Nothing’ can really exist. But still, just based on one argument I don’t think this would make such a profound statement, don’t you?

So what are thoughts made of? Thoughts are really electric pulses coming from your neurons in your brain, which nowadays can even be measured. But the true idea of a thought coming from nowhere is a discussion scientists are still arguing about. Where does a thought come from? And what is the deeper meaning of a thought?

If thoughts come from out of nowhere, that that would prove that ‘nothing’ would be an existence, therefore breaking the statement ‘Nothing = Impossible’ (because if it would, than Thoughts would be impossible, and we know that this is not true). So the true question is ‘Where do thoughts come from?’

After searching the web for a while, the most common answer I got to my question was one that I actually believe can be true.

Let me start from the beginning.

Back in the 19^th century scientists were discussing whether or not there was a field, not visible for the naked eye, that connects us all. To prove whether it existed or not and stop the discussion, the famous Michaelson-Morley experiment. Now, this experiment was done in 1887 and the instruments that were used back then weren’t really accurate at that time. What they found was that the field didn’t exist. And this idea was generally accepted for about 100 years.

It wasn’t until 1986 that this experiment was re-done, with better equipment. And what they found out was that this field actually does exist! Scientists now agree on the existence of a unified field that links us all together.

So what does this have to do with ‘nothing = impossible’? Let me explain.

Science today states, there is a unified field linking us all together. And it’s not until now that we start to become aware of what this field really is.

We live in a magnificent time. A time where changes are happening so rapidly – both internal as external – that we are slowly moving towards a consciousness shift. The way we perceive ourselves and others around us is changing on such a profound way, that our actual outer world is being changed by our perceptions.

Take a look at what is going on in the world – Egypt, Libya, and other countries becoming aware of their possibilities and their potential.

Our Earth as well is going through a cycle-shift. Hurricanes, volcano eruptions, landslides. There’s so much going on, it’s hard not to realize things are changing.

People are growing more awareness and with this awareness it’s that we discover that it’s our minds, and moreover our hearths that ‘control’ the outcome of our lives.

It’s a commong saying that ‘if you put your mind into it, you can do virtually anything’ (I remember that in the movie Back to the Future this was also said). Well, it’s not only your mind that you put into it, that make things happen and realize, it’s also your heart. We are now discovering that emotion and feelings are a huge catalyst in manifesting change and reaching goals.

And I think it’s the unified field that we pour out of when we come up with an idea or an emotion to improve our life. Just imagine, what if there is this huge quantum-soup of everything we’re knowing (and not yet knowing) that we can dig into and come up with new thoughts, ideas and concepts to prosper from.

This unified field is a two-way street, and it allows us to receive information from as well as send information to. So whatever you’re thinking or feeling (especially when you do it with an intention), it’s the field that enables your thoughts into manifestation.

Like I said, scientists agree on the existence of this field and most scientists have found name for this field, vaying from ‘The Quantum Hologram’ to ‘The Mind of God’. I think this is what ancient spiritual traditions (known today as religion) meant by ‘God’ – though that is material for yet another article.

With this in mind, we can say that thoughts don’t come out of nowhere, but that they’re accessible from somewhere, showing that on the subject of thoughts, nothing is not there.

It might not be easy to adapt the concept of ‘Nothing is impossible’ (surely you might think of arguments like ‘but we don’t know how to fly or teleport’), but I think that this is only knowledge that we don’t know how to use yet.

Imagine how your life would be if you took in this idea of nothing is impossible. What would you do? How would your life look like?

Think of the wishes you (once) had, and that maybe you put away somewhere deep inside your mind, or even let go of when you were groing up.

Those wishes, those dreams can still be made real.

I came up with a great and short statement that empowers me to fulfill my potential and start living my life the way I want it to be.

This statement is

Design your Life

I’m convinced that life isn’t run on auto-predestined-pilot. And instead of the external factors controlling our internal life, it’s our internal system that controls our external outcome.

So, as of today, you have the option to re-find your dreams, your wishes and make them a goal and start taking steps towards them.

Why should you do this?

Because ‘Nothing is Impossible’

To our success.

Robert

The Potential Me

The 1985 featured film The Breakfast Club tells the story of five high school students who have to do detention on their free Saturday. Each and every one has their own reason to sit this one out and there’s no single common ground that one shares with the others: a sportsman, member of the wrestling team, a nerd who’s a member of the physics club, an outcast that in the eyes of everybody else is lacking every responsibility to make it through school, a prom queen whose only concern is her looks and her rep. And there’s this girl who doesn’t have any contact with her parents or any other person for that matter. The worlds couldn’t be further apart from each other. So it seems…

The true essence of the movie is the insight that each and every one of the five students is behaving according to the perception others have about them. Which brings me to the core of this article. No matter how hard we work, often times we’re being lead on subconsciously in our behavior by the way others see us.

Take a look at your profession or the study you take up. Isn’t that one of the first things you mention when someone asks what you do? ‘I’m a manager’, ‘I’m a coach’, ‘I’m a mother of two.’

The way we present ourselves is mainly determining how others will see us: if I’d say I was a circus-clown the first time we’d meet, you’ll probably label me no different the next time we bump into each other.

With this, a vicious circle is born. No matter what you’ll be doing after you meet somebody new, at the time you shook hands for the first time you left an impression that was going to be burnt into the memory of your listener. ‘Weren’t you that clown that works in the circus?’

The choice to see yourself any way you want will always be there though. Unfortunately we don’t reckon that choice too often. And even if we do, it doesn’t mean that choice is going to be an easy one. Who do you want to be?

Because as soon as you taste the liberty of deciding who you want to be, you’ll also realize that no matter what answer you come up with, it will be a limitation to that freedom.

And this is where quantum physics peeks around the corner.

Over the past few years, scientists carried out an experiment known as the double slit experiment. In this experiment they were looking at the behavior of particles and electrons (tiny bits of matter). They put up two slits through which hey randomly fired the electrons. On the wall behind the slit interference pattern arose, stating the particle was acting like a wave – with several interference patterns, and not like a particle. Scientists were stunned. So, those scientists put up a measuring device, to see through which slit the electron went.

But because they were now measuring, the particle went back to behaving like a particle. The conclusion is this: when they weren’t measuring, the particle was behaving like a wave, showing an interference pattern at the back of the wall. When they did measure its path and choice of slit, the particle changed back to a normal particle, just showing two bands at the back of the wall. Somehow the particle knew it was being watched.

There’s an ocean of possibilities when the particle leaves. And as long as we don’t interfere with it, we see the results of that sea of possibilities; the particle goes through one slit, and the other. It goes through both slits, and through neither. How’s this possible?

The answer is not to be found in the particle. Nor is it in the slit. What is?

It’s the observer.

The way you see the world determines how you’ll experience it.

And that also works for other people observing you. They create a model of you (a simplified representation of their reality), which they can use again, and again in future encounters with you. The more frequent they’ll see you in the same setting, the stronger that model becomes and with that the representation or map of the world, of you!

This is how models can affect you, as well as the world big time.

‘Well, damn man!’, you might think right now. ‘Isn’t there anything I can do to influence this all?’ – there is!

At each and every single moment of the day, you hold the power of ho you want to be. Or better said: who you want to be more.

Like in The Breakfast Club, you can see that every single detentionist has more in common with the others than he or she might think. The outcast is also the nerd, the sportsman is also the closed up girl. And they all have a prom queenside.

You’re also more than the label others put on you. Or… you put on yourself.

But how do you change he perception of other people so they don’t see you as just a circus artist?

In all honesty, I have to confess I’m not sure if I can give you an answer. I’m not even sure if that’s possible. The freedom of choice of others to see you as they want is not up to you; it’s up to them.

However, what you can do is change the way y08 perceive yourself. Y0ur map of the world you hold about you is like a dropping snowflake hitting the ground, and starting to roll onto a snowball, perhaps even an avalanche. It’s the essence of change. If you change the way you see yourself, you’ll behave differently and people will see you differently for that.

During one of my first trainings on personal development my coach told me that each part of a system is influencing the other parts of the system. So if you change one part of that system, you’ll end up changing the entire system.

What he meant by that is that when you start working on yourself – e.g. by changing your behavior or altering current limiting beliefs – you’ll slowly but surely change the interaction you have with others (like family, friends, acquaintances, relationships) as well.

For years people saw me as the guy that never would say ‘no’. The one that would go along with everybody, no matter what the flow was. The guy with no borders. The Pleaser. I noticed that in the end it had cost me so much, it made me miserable.

Instead of pointing out the people that could be responsible for exceeding my borders (‘they shouldn’t be crossing them if I don’t feel okay with that’) and seeing myself as a victim of the perception of others, I discovered that this responsibility, this power, was in no other than my own hands.

Now, we’ve moved on a couple of years and I’ve straitened and strengthened my backbone quite a bit. It’s not yet ‘full on’, but I’m getting there. And for certain I’ve become a stronger person. With this change something else changed, and that is the way other people see me. ‘Robert – he’s persisting, a dreamer, a doer, doesn’t take no for an answer.’

And so there are many areas in my life in which I can laser focus on to make the changes within in order to grow. To become the person I really want to be.

It begins with letting go of the labels I’ve put on myself of which I think I need them to survive. You might know this phenomenon as the word image. Whenever you’re willing to let go of your image, you’ll discover your true ‘me’. From there on you can decide which adjustment you’d like to make in order to become the person you really want to be.

Just like in quantum physics, there’s an ocean of possibilities in front of you (and within you) that allows you to live your life exactly the way you want it.

Mahatma Gandhi once said:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts.  Your thoughts become your words.
Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values.
Your values become your destiny.”

With that he underlines the freedom, the power and the possibilities of change.

To our success,

Robert

Dream On

In the film ‘Inception’ Leonardo DiCaprio plays Dom Cobb, a guy who steals valuable and secret information from someone’s mind by getting into their dreams and influences the way they behave in that dream. To make things even more complicated, Dom is challenged to infiltrate deep into the mind of the subject, and the way he’s doing this is to create several layers of dreams in which he can manipulate the subject’s subconscious: A dream within a dream within a dream.

Now that got me thinking. How do you know when you’re dreaming and when you’re actually awake? I mean, when you’re dreaming, you’re vividly imagining the things in your dream (people, animals, buildings) to be real.

They’re so alive, that even your body responds to your mind’s subconscious freestyles: your repertory rises, your blood pressure either drops or increases, you might even wake up sweaty and all, realizing that you’ve just been dreaming so vividly, you’d swear it was real.

Science today now researches the similarities and the differences between what we think is real and what is fiction. If there’s a gap, then how big is it, and if there isn’t, then what would that mean for our personal lives, our relationships, our careers, our health, and in the end, our total view of life itself?

With the new sciences of quantum physics and string theory, we’re now investigating on bot a micro-level as well as on a macro-level how we can shape our life exactly the way we want it.

You see, here’s the thing about those new sciences:

They say that your mind is the catalyst of everything happening in your world. In other words: whatever you focus on in your mind, you’ll find outside of it.

Now this may sounds like a quote from a hippy, but the interesting thing is that we’ve got so many proof of it, we can’t deny it.

Think back of this: you probably remember a time in which you were madly in love with someone. That beauty and you were so over each other, the world seemed to vanish when you two were together. And perhaps you even went out for a romantic dinner at one point, and with the pleasure of a nice wine and the staring of each others twinkles in both your eyes, you heard the sweeping notes of a tune that would remember you that moment for the rest of your life.

As time passed by, you and your beloved shared some good moments, some bad, and possibly even some rocky ones. And if you’re one of those fortunate people who had the privilege to make a giant leap in your personal development from this last one, you might remember the moment after your break-up in which you heard nothing but that one particular song, that would remind you of those good, bad and rocky moments you had with your love.

Everywhere you’d go, you’d here that song, putting its musical fingers on the sore spot of your heart, triggering memories and feelings you rather leave in the past.

You remember that feeling? All right, so let’s step out of that now, because it’s more of an example to point out what I’m about to say, than to get you sad and depressed.

So take a deep breath in, firmly breath out and with every breath you clap your hands together saying the word CHANGE out loud. If you do this three times, a state change will happen and your focus is here on the digital paper.

Now your mind was so powerful just now, it reconstructed part of your memory. With pictures and emotions, leaving no detail unseen. But the most interesting thing is this:

The focus you had on the song at the time you made the connection in your subconscious was so strong, that it created an a powerful anchor that made you hear that same song everywhere you’d go after that break up. Why?

Because that’s what you were looking for!

Our mind sees, hears and feels what it focuses on. And with nearly 4 billion bits of information coming in every second, and being able to ‘only’ process about 3 million of then, your mind filters out the pieces that aren’t necessary to perceive.

With this said, we can establish that your mind works like a homing pigeon. It goes straightly for its objective, neglecting the pieces of the environment that aren’t important.

You’re with me so far? Okay, let’s get back to the dreaming.

When we’re in a dream state, our subconscious mind creates a world so exquisite, it resembles the ‘real’ world, as we know it consciously perfectly. Every detail that is important to dream about is filled in by your subconscious mind, as you slowly go deeper into your dream.

Time doesn’t seem to exist, and if it does, then it definitely runs slower in your dreams than it does in real life: you can have an adventure from A to Z in just ten minutes!

When we’re asleep, we can create anything and everything we want.

So how would that be if we’d be able to do the same thing when we’re awake?

If we focus on the things that are important to us and we are automatically attracted towards it like a homing pigeon, then what should we be thinking about in order to upgrade the areas of our life a couple levels?

How would you want your financial situation to be? Or the relationships with your spouse? What kind of job would you have, in order to be in that state of happiness and fulfillment constantly?

It’s as if you take a blank piece of paper and a set of colorful pencils to draw your ideal life. How cool’s that?

You see, you can have the life you really want. Without all the restrictions that otherwise would hold you back in ‘normal’ life.

Now I don’t want to sound like a hippy, and proclaim that with just a thought you can change the world, but you must realize that this is where it starts. You change your outer world by changing your inner world.

So… think about how you want your ideal life to look like. Or better yet, dream about it.

To our success,

Robert

How to Feel Bad and Like it

by my good friend Nisandeh Neta.

A trusted therapist I know said to me a few days ago:

“I think that many people who are suffering feel considerably worse simply because they’re suffering.”

“What?”

“Well, we fear feeling badly. We feel out of control when we’re depressed or anxious. We then struggle internally. How can we ‘fix” this? How can we make this go away? When we can’t, on top of feeling depressed or anxious, we feel like losers.”

It got me thinking: how could you embrace feeling badly instead of running from it?

1. Have a Dark Day. Instead of trying to “lift yourself up by your bootstraps” (which seems impossible anyway, doesn’t it?), create a day based on how badly you are feeling. Do it up right. Eat dark food, drink dark teas. Play the saddest movie ever known and cry unabashedly. When people ask you how you’re doing, say “Not good.” Feel the freedom in being honest with the space you’re in.

2. Make your Goal List Easy. In this day and age, we’re often overwhelmed by the things that need done in one day. And then we have long-term goals looming overhead. Why not make it a list that a child could do? Include: “Talk to as few people as possible today.” “Wash and dry my favorite blanket then hide under it.” “Watch an episode of an old TV show.”

3. Dig a Little Deeper. Most of us think that the problems we’re suffering are based on what’s happening now. Allow yourself the freedom to look into your past, as if you’re strolling down a very familiar lane. No need to painfully revisit it; simply stop and look at your past like an old movie. Make a few quiet observations. Include good times too.

4. Play in the Dark. Think of the Addams Family. They had fun with their dark side. What can you wear today that showcases your misery? What depressing songs can you sing? Could you draw a sketch of that sad you, overamplified and cartoonish? What we resist persists. Today, embrace it, draw from it!